Just purging...

I hate that I can't hate you.
I hate the way I won't escape you.
I hate that my thoughts of you never leave.

I hate that I can't forget you or
remember that I hate you
But I can't because I don't.

I hate that your eyes captivate me and
I hate your kindness because
the sting of both overwhelms me.

I hate that I want something that doesn't exist
and I hate that you do too.
I hate that you won't know me,
when you're only the one who did.

I hate that I am changed by you and
I hate losing my pride by admitting
that I hate how you control me.

I hate that I want to wish you well and
I hate caring that you don't care at all,
but mostly I hate that I love you.

I hate that I can't hate, it seems easier,
but I do not hate that the
God who lives in me, lives in you.

I hope I never learn to hate and
I hope to continue to learn to love,
even though I hate it!