Just purging...

I hate that I can't hate you.
I hate the way I won't escape you.
I hate that my thoughts of you never leave.

I hate that I can't forget you or
remember that I hate you
But I can't because I don't.

I hate that your eyes captivate me and
I hate your kindness because
the sting of both overwhelms me.

I hate that I want something that doesn't exist
and I hate that you do too.
I hate that you won't know me,
when you're only the one who did.

I hate that I am changed by you and
I hate losing my pride by admitting
that I hate how you control me.

I hate that I want to wish you well and
I hate caring that you don't care at all,
but mostly I hate that I love you.

I hate that I can't hate, it seems easier,
but I do not hate that the
God who lives in me, lives in you.

I hope I never learn to hate and
I hope to continue to learn to love,
even though I hate it!

Woot

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. - Evan Esar

I thought it was worth sharing!

Cracka What????

The only way I can really describe how I've been feeling lately is strange!

A lot has taken place, I moved, Karen (my roommate and close friend) moved to WA, I got a promotion at work, Tamara (another close friend) is leaving at the end of the week for GA...

I'm not sure if it's just hormonal imbalance or if there is something terribly wrong with me, but I have this empty sort of feeling...like I don't know who I am again or where I'm going exactly, it's like I was sailing on this ocean liner and then a severe storm came and rocked the whole ship apart and now I'm trying to make it through the storm with just a raft.

I was feeling so ready to begin a new chapter and I started off with such gusto and anticipation of the great things that are to come...So why do I still find myself longing for what was and I know that it's futile, particularly now that the possibility of re-gaining what was is completely lost, yet those memories are still so fresh, I don't ever remember feeling this much anguish for this long over other lost things...I want to be done with it because I want to be ready again and right now I am not ready which sucks! I can't believe its May already, maybe when I'm finally done with school this week I'll feel better, we'll see!

I think maybe me and Jesus need some one on one time, maybe I'm missing Him and not all these haunting memories!

P.S. I cut off all my hair...pictures to come soon!

PS.S. The title of this post was taken from the comedy styings of Mr. Mike Birbiglia, if you've never heard of him, I strongly reccomend you do something about that immediately!